This is not a record! This is an empty record jacket. It comes with a download card for Megan Koester's irascible debut stand-up album "Tertium Non Datur." It also comes with a slick double-sided poster/thesaurus for looking up her arcane references.
Why are we doing this? Great question. "Here's the deal," as a hack would say: you probably don’t even have a functioning record player. Or you have a shitty Crosley one you bought at Urban Outfitters. You listen to everything on your phone anyway, so to be fair, you really don't need the "slab" itself. Just nestle this sleeve in your dusty collection, right next to the warped copy of Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours" you foolishly paid $13 for at the Silver Lake Farmers' Market, and no one will be the wiser.